They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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