my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
