You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
