weddingsv make me drug and hornr
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
