My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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