guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
