Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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