There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
