You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Me too!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
