I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it's like iHOP with fire
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
