Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
