I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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