he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
