so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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