Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
