one might say we're banned from that church
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
