I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
