Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
