just tell him i said nine months
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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