some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
