It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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