hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
