So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
