I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize