I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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