What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
