Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
