please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
