i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
