thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
