There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
