They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
