im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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