Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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