escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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