i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
