Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
