Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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