Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
