I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
