Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
