I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
