4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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