low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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