just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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