Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
