I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wear drunk well.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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