This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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