It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
