A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
