Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize