dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We need a shit load of segways right now
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
