I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
