They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
