16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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