Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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