If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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