i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
