I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
