is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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