It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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