woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
