I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
