the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
