i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
