ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize